Thursday, January 13, 2011

Pinch your pain away

"Let's have a surgery on your back. Nothing to be worried of, it's so common now a days. But I should tell you that the last patient limped after surgery since they accidently cut a vein, u know there are thousands of veins in that area, one needs to very careful…" I listened to the doctor in utter disbelief.

I had a rough encounter with my back, to be medically correct, I had a serious disk prolapse at L4,L5 and L5,S1. This basically means that the disks (rubber washers that allow movement of the spinal column) slipped from between the spinal bones or 'vertebras'.

Let me tell u, this is really painful. I like to compare it to 'Imagine inserting a sword thru ur spine, now to make it more painful how about twisting it while it is being inserted' that is how painful it is. The pain was so excruciating that I could not move from the bed, I just couldn't turn face down, I could not go to toilet, could not sit and eat and even thinking was found to be painful. Honestly I did not drink water for two days since I did not want to urinate.

Modern Medicines (Allopathy) treatment goes like this. Rest is advised for 3-4 days after which assisted physiotherapy is required. If the symptoms do not resolve after 6 weeks or if any nerve or spinal cord related symptoms increase like numbness, weakness or loss of bowel and bladder control, then immediate surgery is advised.

Last time I took a MRI scan, couple of years back, they put me inside a tube. Even though I won't call myself claustrophobic (abnormal fear of being in narrow or enclosed spaces) I certainly did not like it. Damn it made me feel like graveyard is no fun place to rest!. Newer technology this time, it was just a plain bed with a little slab like protrusion above me, the report came on a CD instead of the many XRay like images given last time.

Next time u are advised for an MRI scan, dear reader, ask for an 'Open MRI', u will thank me on this one if u had tried the other one.

I had a solid bed rest for 10 days and I started physiotherapy for six days. 16 days and still I could not sit for couple of hours in the chair. No offense here while I tell u this if u have disk prolapse, I mean a very serious one, forget Allopathy, there is very little they can do to help you. My friendly doctor was suggesting for surgery as the next step. He assured me that its a very minor thing in these modern days. They try to make it light but they are plain lying.

The surgery advice itself was an inspiration for me to run away from the hospital. I had been told by my brother about this magical doctor that just could pinch ur pain away. So I packed my bags and headed to Kerala for 10 days. U might find it hard to believe but Kerala - Gods Own Country - is full of magicians like these. Boy I love my country.

'Lets go to the doctor right away' my brother said from the airport, it was 9 in the night. We quietly headed towards Baypore to one of those pain pinching doctors that could perform a live miracle on u in less than five minutes.

Here I was unpacking my baggage in that small house of Dr Kunhi Mohammed (real name :)) so that he could see my MRI scan on my laptop. The doc quipped 'What r u doing'. I told him what I was doing and he said 'No No, don't worry abt those I don't want to see them, I know what it is'. Well I wasn't sure if I was impressed or disappointed.

It was time for his magic, u know the 'pinching of my back pain away' thing. I had been forewarned that he does some real pinching and it's painful.

Here is a funny one. My brothers, two in laws went to this doc for their back pain. The doc 'pinched the back pain away' on one of his in laws and it was unbearably painful and the guy cried out loud. That scared the shit out of the other one and he said, 'Who me, No, I just came with the patient I am perfectly fine'.

The doc asked me to sit erect, he moved his hands under my knees, moved the outer big vein couple of times here and there and inserted his thumb and forefinger down deep, as if searching some inner thin veins. This continued for few seconds and it was a getting painful. Then he moved his skillful hands on my inner arm. There again he pinched and caught hold of some veins, this time it was a bit more powerful, so powerful that when he removed his hands after few seconds I had a wound in its place.

Next he twisted my head to both sides till it made cracking sounds. He then asked me to get up and walk fast across his room few many times, squat after that and bend on my hips few times.

Did I build up enough attention of ur's by now.? Then let's together snap our fingers and pull that rabbit from the hat. The result is …

'I am cured', well almost, the pain I had, vanished, there reamined only a slight burning feeling.

Still mesmerized I asked "What all precautions should I take, should I sleep on a wooden plank, should I take rest". He responded "For what, u doesn't have back pain anymore, do whatever u want to do, it will never come back to you". He gave me medicines for two weeks and told me that I might feel a little pain for few days and those medicines should take care of it. "In case there is some pain I will come back after a week" I told him still not sure if its all a dream. He said "Young man there won't be any pain, ur back pain is gone, Khalash".

He explained "when the veins get locked in the spine and the blood flow is reduced the pain will start". I dont remember it correctly, but he said something like, 6 drops of blood need to flow thru this vein and if it does not or the vein gets twisted somehow then the pain will start and you have to straighten the veins. He tells me that by pinching he actually is stretching the veins.

Aha, bye bye back pain, don't u pls come back, I told myself while I sat in the car, unable to believe the whole thing while returning home at around 10PM in the night after spending almost less than 10 minutes at the doc's house.

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